Dealing With Insecurities

We were sitting in the cafe and talking about getting new clothes for a wedding that we were both going to attend. My friend and I were in a fix whether to go to the mall or just pick something online. However, she caught me off-guard when she started telling me how she did not want to wear anything that showed her arms. There was a quiet silence for a few moments. Her, mentioning that, had brought quite a few fears of my own to the surface. I was taken back to a whole list of my own insecurities that I had with myself, that I had carefully stacked away with the rest of my fears. She was just sitting there having dropped this into thin air, and feeling embarrassed. 

Are they mere fears?

Insecurities are often confused with fear. It is, at the very best, a subset of the paradigm of fear. Insecurities arise in several forms- physical, mental, emotional. The worst is witnessed when we start associating insecurities with our self-worth. When we start measuring how much we are worth through the plane of these fears, it can give rise to self-resentment, lack of confidence, and interestingly. It can actually hold us back from being who we are, thus proving the pre-conceived thought. 

It is extremely sad that most of our insecurities are formed because of the closest people around us. Passing negative comments, belittling, bullying, breakups, accidents, traumatic events, death of a loved one, betrayal- can all, in their own way, result in bringing up a feeling that sticks around for a long time. 

Insecurities could also arise in the form of triggers. They might just keep floating in the space and a small incident or a push towards that grey area can effectively result in anxiety and depression. 

Forms of Insecurities

Before categorizing the forms of insecurities, I would just like to put it out there that if I happen to miss out on something that you are feeling, it does not mean it is unreal or unimportant. Your fear/insecurity is just as real as it can get. However, to generalize a few forms, here it is:

  1. Based on failure/rejection:

A constant fear eats you up that you might fail or get rejected and you often try to keep postponing even beginning something because of it. Taking the first step seems like a challenge to you because, somewhere deep within you, a voice keeps reminding you that you are not going to make it. 

  1. Based on Imperfection:

You feel like you’re a part of some imaginary race that you have to win and if you don’t you might be who you are. Perfection is what you strive for and anything less than that  is just not acceptable to you.

  1. Fear of loneliness.

This results due to being insecure of your own relationships. You might feel that everyone is going to leave you one day and you’re just going to remain unloved. This pushes you to go beyond your ways to keep the relationships on track. Sometimes, you even hold on to toxic relationships because you happen to imagine that this is the only love you deserve. 

  1. Based on anxiety.

Some insecurities are just like an add-on to an already existing fear. Let’s say, you have trouble making conversation in a group so you just avoid situations like that. You are insecure about how others might perceive you or if you will make a good impression. You are constantly criticizing yourself. 

Overcoming Insecurities

This is neither an easy thing to do nor does it happen overnight. In fact, there is no one way that one can follow to get over these. As vague as it may sound, it exists. We have to keep pushing ourselves to accept and acknowledge them as a pre-conceived notion, and nothing more, we will be fine. It’s important to understand that just because a few things happened in some manner in the past, it does not have to happen the exact same way in the future. These fears are engraved deep inside our minds and it’s really tough to just throw them out. However, if we keep reminding ourselves that this is mere anticipation and not the reality of us, we will slowly break from our cocoons and be the person we are meant to be. 

If you are one of those people who waits for the universe to send a signal to break from these chains and overcome that fear, this is the sign! And, if you’re not, then what are you waiting for?

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  • Ella says:

    This was lovely to read! You have such a positive take on it, thanks for sharing 🙂

  • Jaya Avendel says:

    I connected with what you said about anxieties just stacking up and making us avoid more and more situations that we could instead be learning from instead of fearing. The best way to grow, I have discovered, is to do new things. It is not easy to find courage, but it is easier to step out and do something if you can stop yourself from thinking too deeply about it. 🙂

  • Nyxie says:

    Excellent post! I have so many insecurities it’s hard to pinpoint just one. My anxiety and eating disorder cause me to constantly second guess myself.

  • Johnny says:

    I love these kind of posts that take a mental-health based approach to explaining human behaviour in general (e.g. connecting certain dots to each other). This was definitely an insightful read and taken a few things from it.

    Johnny | Johnny’s Traventures

  • Travelogged blogs says:

    To be left alone and lonely is my biggest fear. In today competitive world, we often find ourselves comparing our life with others on social media. We should feel confident in ourselves and be satisfied with what we have. This is a great post. Thanks for sharing!

  • Ana says:

    This is such a great post and resonates in so many levels. It happens often that even if you hear a comment and file it in the “it’s not me, it’s you,” drawer and carry on with your day. At some point that comment will come back to you. I have been getting better at shutting those insecurities down🙂

  • Lindsey says:

    This was such a good read. I’ve definitely developed more insecurities as time has gone on in par with developing anxiety which is never a fun mix. There’s some really good points here, thanks for sharing.

  • Kelly Diane says:

    This was such a great post to read. We all have insecurities and some are easier to overcome than others.

  • kimberley says:

    What an inspirational post. And such a motivational end to it. I’m now wondering where I should start tackling my fears! Thnk you for sharing x

  • Ryan says:

    A very well presented piece. I found myself relating a lot more than I had originally anticipated. Insecurities seem to come and go, and acknowledging their existence in itself can help a lot.

  • chelsea says:

    what a lovely post!

  • LJ Nicolle says:

    A really good piece and well worth the time to read fully. This is an interesting article.

  • Jenisha says:

    We all have little insecurities about ourselves. I also feel somehow different and weird about my being But it’s best to love and accept ourselves the way we are. Thank you for sharing this topic

  • Unwanted Life says:

    I destroyed my own hair due to the power my insecurities had, and still have, over me, insecurities I only had because of years of constant racist abuse growing up

  • Rachael says:

    This is such a great post! I have many different insecurities all anxiety-linked and find it difficult to overcome. I always have to remind myself no ones perfect. Slowly getting better at managing it! Thank you for sharing 🙂

  • Charity says:

    This is such a great post. It is so hard to overcome insecurities, but also important to do so! Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Token Artist says:

    My insecurities come from things that largely can’t be changed. If only I could fix my self-esteem, maybe I’d stop caring about my insecurities rather than needing to fix them

  • Retirestyle Travel says:

    Good advice. The more you get out of your comfort zone, the more acclimatized and desensitized you become

  • Holly says:

    Fantastic post and so interesting to read! I think some of my insecurities stem from setting myself goals and not achieving them or not doing as well as I wanted to – that was the case during university at times, even though I was still doing great. Thanks for sharing.

    Holly x

  • I'm All Booked Up says:

    A lot of people fear not being perfect. It’s to look at other people’s lives on social media and think that they have everything.

  • Sumedha says:

    Wonderful post. Insecurities sneak up on us out of nowhere and we don’t realize them for a long time.

  • Brooke says:

    This really spoke to me. It reminded me of a day about a year ago when I was feeling bad about myself in a certain outfit, and my fiance was surprised that I was even worried in the first place, because he thought I looked great. If only we treated ourselves as gently as we treat others when it comes to looks. I never see my friends and start picking their outfit apart so why do I do it to myself?

  • Bolupe says:

    This post resonated with me. It felt like the exact words I needed to hear. My Insecurities stems from the fear of the unknown, not taking risks and settling for less. All of these have played on my mind for so long and like you said, if we keep reminding ourselves that it is mere anticipation, we will slowly break free.
    Thanks for sharing.

  • Saxon Bosworth says:

    Some really poignant points here. Totally agree with what you say in the overcoming fears section – it’s all about how you respond!

  • Fy says:

    Insecurities can be and are so hard to overcome but it’s important to try to remember that usually, what makes us feel insecure is usually exaggerated by our mind/overthinking! Great post!


  • Jen says:

    I have anxiety and also massive fears of rejection/failure. I was raised by a perfectionist parent, and that took its toll. It really can be so hard to deal with!

  • Emmely says:

    Great blog!! I deal with a ton of insecurities that I’m working on all because of my past. I take everything to heart. I try not to but I do.

    • notsocordial says:

      I understand. I am a sensitive person but we forget that often, what people say or do is a reflection of themselves and not us. Thanks for reading 🙂

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