We were sitting in the cafe and talking about getting new clothes for a wedding that we were both going to attend. My friend and I were in a fix whether to go to the mall or just pick something online. However, she caught me off-guard when she started telling me how she did not want to wear anything that showed her arms. There was a quiet silence for a few moments. Her, mentioning that, had brought quite a few fears of my own to the surface. I was taken back to a whole list of my own insecurities that I had with myself, that I had carefully stacked away with the rest of my fears. She was just sitting there having dropped this into thin air, and feeling embarrassed.
Are they mere fears?
Insecurities are often confused with fear. It is, at the very best, a subset of the paradigm of fear. Insecurities arise in several forms- physical, mental, emotional. The worst is witnessed when we start associating insecurities with our self-worth. When we start measuring how much we are worth through the plane of these fears, it can give rise to self-resentment, lack of confidence, and interestingly. It can actually hold us back from being who we are, thus proving the pre-conceived thought.
It is extremely sad that most of our insecurities are formed because of the closest people around us. Passing negative comments, belittling, bullying, breakups, accidents, traumatic events, death of a loved one, betrayal- can all, in their own way, result in bringing up a feeling that sticks around for a long time.
Insecurities could also arise in the form of triggers. They might just keep floating in the space and a small incident or a push towards that grey area can effectively result in anxiety and depression.
Forms of Insecurities
Before categorizing the forms of insecurities, I would just like to put it out there that if I happen to miss out on something that you are feeling, it does not mean it is unreal or unimportant. Your fear/insecurity is just as real as it can get. However, to generalize a few forms, here it is:
- Based on failure/rejection:
A constant fear eats you up that you might fail or get rejected and you often try to keep postponing even beginning something because of it. Taking the first step seems like a challenge to you because, somewhere deep within you, a voice keeps reminding you that you are not going to make it.
- Based on Imperfection:
You feel like you’re a part of some imaginary race that you have to win and if you don’t you might be who you are. Perfection is what you strive for and anything less than that is just not acceptable to you.
- Fear of loneliness.
This results due to being insecure of your own relationships. You might feel that everyone is going to leave you one day and you’re just going to remain unloved. This pushes you to go beyond your ways to keep the relationships on track. Sometimes, you even hold on to toxic relationships because you happen to imagine that this is the only love you deserve.
- Based on anxiety.
Some insecurities are just like an add-on to an already existing fear. Let’s say, you have trouble making conversation in a group so you just avoid situations like that. You are insecure about how others might perceive you or if you will make a good impression. You are constantly criticizing yourself.
This is neither an easy thing to do nor does it happen overnight. In fact, there is no one way that one can follow to get over these. As vague as it may sound, it exists. We have to keep pushing ourselves to accept and acknowledge them as a pre-conceived notion, and nothing more, we will be fine. It’s important to understand that just because a few things happened in some manner in the past, it does not have to happen the exact same way in the future. These fears are engraved deep inside our minds and it’s really tough to just throw them out. However, if we keep reminding ourselves that this is mere anticipation and not the reality of us, we will slowly break from our cocoons and be the person we are meant to be.
If you are one of those people who waits for the universe to send a signal to break from these chains and overcome that fear, this is the sign! And, if you’re not, then what are you waiting for?